so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
