even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
