But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
