The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
