I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
