At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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