do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
