bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
