god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
