By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
We had sex on a dog bed..
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
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