Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
