Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
