I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I'm drive I can fine osifer
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
