Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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