Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
