my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
