its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
