I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
