I'm laying in your front yard are you home
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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