We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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