i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
