my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
