he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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