I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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