Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
