i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
