it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
no you cant smoke seaweed
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
