Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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