Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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