It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
