Where is the hickey?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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