I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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