i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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