I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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