I hope mine doesn't look like that
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
