i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
