Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
