Fine. I'll sleep in my office
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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