I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Randomize
