I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
