i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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