Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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