you guys were way drunker than both of me
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
