can we get nightvision for the apartment?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
