So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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