We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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