how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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