the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
