I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
