I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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