I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
It's never too late to be topless.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
