you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
