Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
