i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
