a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
