I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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