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i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
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