I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
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We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
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I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.