he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
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We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
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I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.