Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
