i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
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Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry