You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave