But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
