Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
