Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
