The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
