saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
