it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You took a bar mat shot.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
