I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
